[deborah4]

As some of you know, my Dad passed away mid-November and this Christmas was always going to be a toughy, so finding myself alone for the day (through choice!), I decided to 'test the birding waters' for the first time since the funeral but set out with little enthusiasm. Having spent rather a lot of hard earned cash on a pair of Swaros at the beginning of November and a new Paramo, I really was going to have to get over it!

So to humble beginnings: A pleasant but very crowded afternoon stroll on promenade heading West from King Alfred's, Hove. 3 flocks of House Sparrows c.15 in each flock. C.160 Black Headed Gull on Hove Lagoon (a few advancing into summer plumage) along with several Pied Wagtails. Lots of unidentified movement far out to sea but within bino range and all busy fishing: 6 Gannet and 2 Common Tern and a Cormorant on the water. One pair of Great Black Backed Gulls noted on the groynes by King Alfred beach . Throughout the walk, numerous Herring Gulls (L.a.argenteus) seen right across the age spectrum giving ample opportunity spend lots of time on this rather varied group both in structure and individual moult oddities! In the grassy area of the upper beach on the west side of the row of the white 'castle' houses,I was very surprised to see two Meadow Pipit, which makes a patch tick for me here. Also, c.30 Turnstone on the same patch of beach. On the way back, a quick scan of the Canal from the East quay, gave brief views of a Kingfisher as it skimmed low in between the boats.

Fairly mundane in the greater birding scheme of things, but the real blessing is that for the first time since Dad died, I seem to have rediscovered my deep joy of birding! What a thrill just to stand and watch Gannets fish from the bottom of my road and getting thoroughly absorbed in gull watching. Can't think of anything nicer to do on Christmas afternoon anyway, but especially this year! Seasons Greetings to all. Now for a G&T ...

Yours 'much happier' now

[Larry Lade]

A belated condolence on the passing of your father.

I wish for you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

[christineredgate]

Deborah,I really do understand how you feel at this time.Several years ago,the person I most loved in the whole of my life died at 3am on xmas morning.I was told by a phone call at 10am.I was totally devasted,but had to go through the motions of xmas day with my family which was very hard to do.
Then a few years ago,I had to attend my natural mothers funeral on my birthday ,which was Dec the 22cnd.I had only known her for 2yrs,so felt very sad.But ,on returning from the funeral ceremony,we stopped off at a m/way service station,and sat in the car having a coffee.We were near a fir tree,and there were 2 Dunnocks,a couple of Chaffinches,and a Robin hopping around near the car looking for crumbs .They really cheered me,and I remember posting a thread on BF the same evening,and received many comments which were so kind.
So,Deborah,go out and enjoy your birds,talk to your Dad ,whils't your are outside,and enjoy.These little creatures do enhance our life.

[hampers]

Deborah
Sorry to read about your Dad.
My Mum passed away 2 years ago at this time of year, after many years of bad health. Its nice to have the memories of happier times, even though they are no longer with us. I certainly thought about her yesterday.
You came up with a good way of spending a difficult time and helping yourself to ease the pain.

What a great thing Birdforum is to share issues like this, with unknown friends.

Best regards, and seasons compliments to all.

Phil

[pie]

I'm so glad you gave yourself a little push to get back out Birding Deborah and so sorry to hear about your loss.
Your report is uplifting and a good example of how the natural world is a good healer.
Stay strong Deborah

[Sancho]

Thanks for sharing the account, Deborah; glad to hear you´re back out "in the field". I think you´ve shown that there´s no such thing as a mundane day´s birding (and that it´s not only about birds). Happy New Year!

[deborah4]

Thank you for your heartwarming comments. I'm sure we can all relate to how the natural world and birds especially, have 'touched' us at certain times in our lives. It really is a joyful experience as some of you have said.

Just a couple more bird moments that to me now seem like retrospective little blessings (and then will knock this rather self-indulgent emotional dump on the head, promise!!:) - actually a horrendously long post!

A few hours after my father passing (he was laid out in the house) it was early dawn and i was sitting in the garden having a ciggy: A Sparrowhawk came low into my parents garden, swept down towards me like a ghostly moth, I felt the draft of its wingbeat on my face as it flew within a hairs breadth then onwards silently out of the garden. A magic moment in that awful first dawn.

The next day: I spent several hours in the garden taking down and disinfecting all my Mum's feeders, taking them apart and scrubbing them clean, since, for several months they'd been neglected, Mum having her hands full nursing my Dad. It was a very cathartic exercise which resulted in birds flooding back to the garden when Mum filled up the feeders, giving us a timely distraction and that first little inroad to 'recovery' from the initial stunned grief we were all feeling.

The day after that: Mum and I were driving into town to return some medical supplies and she suddenly announced she wanted to see the Starling Roost. We had a very special half hour together with her close to tears, telling me that Dad so much loved Starlings. I still don't know whether she suggested it to try and cheer me up or herself - but it helped both of us!

In retrospect, birds played a background but major role in helping all of us get through those first difficult days and the special moments continue with some fairly unusual visitors in my own garden the past couple of weeks, including GS Woodie, Goldcrest, Grey Wagtail and this morning a female Blackcap.

I was brought up by birdwatching parents, (although Butterflies and Bees have taken a slight precedent with Mum in more recent years!), was treated to many holidays at home and abroad over the years of which wildlife/birds played a major part. All us kids had cameras and binos from an early age and were encouraged from an early age to love and appreciate the natural world around us.


My last coherent conversation with my Father took place 5 days before he died, when he talked very enthusiastically about a pair of Jays he had been watching in the tree outside the bedroom window, the Magpie dramas that were unfolding on the roof opposite and the cheeky Jackdaws, all of which he watched continuously from his sick bed the few weeks before he died when he was by then too ill to go downstairs.

A love of birds. That was my Dad's gift to me. Perhaps that's why it took me until Christmas day to face going out birding again.

He is buried at a new and natural burial site which is being restored to ancient woodland. Mum chose a Beech tree amongst the several indigenous species that were on offer to be planted in memorial. Hawthorn, Blackthorn, whitethorn, ash and rowan are all being planted in new hedge rows along the main road leading to the site and it is all is backed by chalk Downland and ancient Oak and Beech woods. A pond is being dug to attract frogs etc and wildflowers are being planted on the burial mounds. The burial site when full, will revert to the Woodland Trust by which time there will be a carpet of english Bluebells throughout. A real environmentally sustainable burial!

Ps. Thank you to those many members who have sent PMs over the past month too, I really have been moved by some them, especially those who have shared their own losses - they've all been very much appreciated.

PPs: Kind thoughts also to everyone, some of whom I know about via PM (and to you Phil/Christine), that have also thinking about and missing lost friends and relatives this Christmas - it can be a difficult time!

All the best for the New Year and happy birding.