Join for FREE
It only takes a minute!
More discoveries. NEW: Zeiss Victory SF 32

Welcome to BirdForum.
BirdForum is the net's largest birding community, dedicated to wild birds and birding, and is absolutely FREE! You are most welcome to register for an account, which allows you to take part in lively discussions in the forum, post your pictures in the gallery and more.

The Ranch Hand

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread
Old Saturday 27th August 2005, 16:58   #1
Valerie
Val
 
Valerie's Avatar

 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 859
Red face The Ranch Hand

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She
was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but
knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the
newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she
decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him
around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a
lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was
doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired
hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You
should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no
hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room,
he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of
wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she
directed.

"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly
by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching
her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was
told and dropped it to the floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he
slowly pulled them down and off.



Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town
again, you're fired."
Valerie is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Saturday 27th August 2005, 19:38   #2
AndyM
Registered User

 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Wherever I lay my hat...
Posts: 215
Well it made me chuckle...

A man phones his local chemist and enquires as to whether they stock incontenence pants. The chemist checks the shelves and and tells the man that they do.

The man, rather embarrassed, explains that due to his condition he would be unable to pick them up and politely asks the chemist if it would be possible for someone to deliver them to his house. The Chemist replies that this would not be a problem and asks the man, "Where are you ringing from?" and the man replies.............

"From the waist down"
AndyM is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Sunday 28th August 2005, 10:36   #3
salty
geordie birder
 
salty's Avatar

 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: newcastle upon tyne
Posts: 9,356
LOL, 2 corkers there............
salty is offline  
Reply With Quote

BF Supporter 2005 Support BirdForum With A Donation

Old Sunday 28th August 2005, 11:46   #4
alcedo.atthis
Registered User

 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Westhill, Scotland
Posts: 1,422
Two Woodpeckers
A Hawaiian Woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.
The Hawaiian woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.
The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a Canadian tree that was absolutely unpeckable.
The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
After flying to Canada, the Hawaiian woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem.
The two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpeckering, they both came to the same conclusion:






Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.


Regards

Malky, trying to stay on subject as usual.
alcedo.atthis is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old Sunday 28th August 2005, 15:53   #5
Valerie
Val
 
Valerie's Avatar

 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 859
Very good Malky AND Andy
Valerie is offline  
Reply With Quote
Advertisement
Reply


Thread Tools
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wild birds that will land on the hand mattpau Birds & Birding 20 Thursday 18th January 2007 21:40
Great Tit feeding from my hand jackied Food and Feeders 6 Monday 28th November 2005 21:47
what about hand lenses? matt green Insects, Dragonflies, Arachnids, Beetles & More 3 Tuesday 12th April 2005 18:50
Chickadees in the hand gymell Your Birding Day 5 Sunday 21st November 2004 01:14
hand held coolpix POP Digiscoping Adapters 3 Wednesday 17th December 2003 06:55

{googleads}

Fatbirder's Top 1000 Birding Websites

Help support BirdForum

Page generated in 0.15771604 seconds with 17 queries
All times are GMT. The time now is 01:54.