Bird Jokes (1 Viewer)

Do you know any bird-watching jokes? I know a few, if you know any please write back.

Joke 1. How can you tell if a lapwing is a Lapwing? Talk to it, if it replies it's a Sociable Lapwing.

Joke 2. Which bird is C Ronaldo most like? A Great-Northern Diver.

Joke 3. Which bird is useful in the kitchen? A Nutcracker.

Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?

A: Because they don't know the words.
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A magician was performing on cruise ship and each night while performing his pet parrot keeps saying "its up his sleeve" " its in his pocket". "its in his shoe". etc and the magician was loosing his patience.
One night while performing his tricks the ships boilers blew and the ship sank, the lucky magician was able to grab onto a ships table and float on the sea for a few days. the parrot in the mean time seemed non plussed and was looking quizically at the magician for a few days whilst drifting.
On the 4th day the parrot looks at his master and says "O.K. I give up... what did you do with the ship?"
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A man walked into the office of a talent agent on the 72nd floor of a skyscraper. "I've got a great act," he tells the agent. "Just watch this."
The man opens the window, perches on the ledge and starts flapping his arms. Then he pushes off and flies around outside the window executing intricate aerobatic maneuvers. Having finished his demonstration, the man flaps in to a perfect landing on the window sill and steps back into the agent's office. "What do you think of that?" he asked the agent.
The talent agent yawned. "That's it? Bird imitations?"
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A burglar crept into a dark house and as he crossed the room he heard a voice say, "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!" He froze in his tracks and waited. He started walking again, and again the voice came "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU".
Finally the burglar's eyes adjusted to the dark and with great relief he saw a parrot in a cage in the corner. "What's your name," he asked the parrot.
"Bonzo" said the parrot.
"Who gave you that stupid name" sneered the burglar. "The same guy who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

Why don't they have painkillers in the jungle?

Because the parrots eat 'em all.

(Say it fast out loud - yes, I know it's dreadful. Blame my son.)

Two turkey vultures were preparing to migrate north for the summer but, after talking about it, they decided they were too old to fly all that way, so they decided to take a plane.
When they were about to board the aircraft, the flight attendant, noticing that both vultures were carrying a dead armadillo, asked, "Would you like to check those armadillos through as luggage?"
"No thanks," the vultures replied, "they're carrion."

Here are some awful, candy wrapper type ones:

What do you call a bird that's got run over by a lawn mower?
Shredded tweet!

What bird is always out of breath?
A puffin!

What bird never hits home runs?
A bunting!

No, I've got a better one:

There's this baseball game with all the greatest movie charictars in it. Indiana Jones goes up to bat, and he makes a perfect bunt. And the commentator says, "Indy go bunting!"............................................:h?:

Get it? Indigo Bunting? Oh, never mind.o

How do you know if a lapwing is a lapwing?
Speak to it- if it replies it's a sociable lapwing!:eek!::-O

Huh! Londonbirder stole my joke!

Why did the chicken cross the road.............