Bird Jokes! (1 Viewer)

[steve west]

A chicken walks into a bookshop and says "book!", so the shop assistant gives him a book, upon which the chicken puts it under its wing and walks out of the shop.

The next day the chicken comes back and says "Book! Book!", so the shop assistant gives it two books. Again the chicken leaves with the books tucked under its wing.

The next day the chicken returns and says "Book! Book! Book!" so the shop assistant gives it three books, and the chicken walks out of the shop.

The shop assistant is very curious to see what is going on, so he follows the chicken to a village pond. There he sees the chicken throwing the books into the middle of the pond, where a frog sat on a lily leaf goes "Reddit! Reddit! Reddit!".

Steve
http://www.BirdingInSpain.com

 

[Chewbaxter]

A chicken walks into a bookshop
Steve
http://www.BirdingInSpain.com

I'd forgotten about that one a classic!

:t:

A little bit of nonsense I thought I'd share with you - a link someone sent me to a 'spoof bird identification' vid - I rate it anyhow!

Click Here To View



N.

 

[dantheman]

Aha - if we're branching away from birds in the aid of wordplay... then I'll go with this...

The difference between a Weasel and a Stoat?
One is Weasley recognised... the other is Stoatally different!

Er, mine* included 2 birds in it, so I thought it would count!

Maybe we should do a Pole (cat) on whether other animal jokes count or whether they should have another thread??


(* = Stoat in winter plumage, of course.)

 

[deborah4]

oh well, it's nearly the weekend

Easter Sunday and it's a family lunch. Mum has decorated the table with yellow ribbons and those little fluffy chick things. My 5 year old niece was playing with the chicks on her plate. I asked her:

'What kind of eggs do Easter Chicks lay?'

'I don't know' she said

'Chocolate ones of course, silly', said I.

At which she bursts into hysterical laughter followed by a bout of hiccups, followed by a series of intentional fa*ts, more hysterical laughter all interspersed with screaming out ''Chocolate eggs!' repeatedly. This went on for over 15 minutes. I've never had such a great reaction to a joke. Unfortunately for my niece, she was finally sent from the table in disgrace by her Mum o

 

[dantheman]

. . . This went on for over 15 minutes. I've never had such a great reaction to a joke. . .

Life is just so unfair! I've only just received my second ever purple laughing head ( :t: Thing!) in a lifetime of bad humour, and you tell WHAT IS PROBABLY THE WORST JOKE EVER and look at the reaction you get. . . Not fair, lol !!

 

[Chewbaxter]

Er, mine* included 2 birds in it, so I thought it would count!

Maybe we should do a Pole (cat) on whether other animal jokes count or whether they should have another thread??


(* = Stoat in winter plumage, of course.)

Not at all... stoatly okay in my book

:t:

And you're right... yours DOES contain birds!

I'm happy though for ANY animal jokes... ANY jokes at all actually - love 'em!



N.

 

[Vectis Birder]

Two vultures are eating a dead clown. One vulture turns to the other and asks: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

 

[Vectis Birder]

And another:

A bloke is shopping for a decent secondhand car and he can't find what he wants at a good price. Anyway he finds an old car dealership tucked away in a side street and decides to take a look.
After umming and aahhing over all the merchandise on offer the proprietor, who can see that he has a very fussy customer on his hands, says to him 'I think I have the perfect vehicle for you' and disappears out the back. He comes back with a giant chicken, complete with saddle and harness.
The customer obviously thinks the dealer is extracting the michael just a bit but decides to humour him and take the giant chicken for a test drive. He test drives the chicken and is delighted with its performance.

£10000 later and out on the motorway, the man decides to see just what the giant chicken can do, so he makes it go faster and faster and faster. As he is approaching 105 miles an hour in the outside lane the saddle breaks and he falls off. The chicken vanishes up the motorway and out of sight.

As the man is sitting there, a police patrol car comes up to him, stops and the officers inside ask 'Can we help you sir?'

The man replies 'My big hen's gone!'.

I'll get me coat.

 

[pie]

Why was the Duck unhappy?

His bill was in the mail! |:d|

 

[hollis_f]

One of my fave jokes of all time -

Two parrots are sitting on a perch.

One turns to the other and says...




"Can you smell fish?"

 

[Chewbaxter]

And another:

A bloke is shopping for a decent secondhand car and he can't find what he wants at a good price. Anyway he finds an old car dealership tucked away in a side street and decides to take a look.
After umming and aahhing over all the merchandise on offer the proprietor, who can see that he has a very fussy customer on his hands, says to him 'I think I have the perfect vehicle for you' and disappears out the back. He comes back with a giant chicken, complete with saddle and harness.
The customer obviously thinks the dealer is extracting the michael just a bit but decides to humour him and take the giant chicken for a test drive. He test drives the chicken and is delighted with its performance.

£10000 later and out on the motorway, the man decides to see just what the giant chicken can do, so he makes it go faster and faster and faster. As he is approaching 105 miles an hour in the outside lane the saddle breaks and he falls off. The chicken vanishes up the motorway and out of sight.

As the man is sitting there, a police patrol car comes up to him, stops and the officers inside ask 'Can we help you sir?'

The man replies 'My big hen's gone!'.

I'll get me coat.

AHA! I wondered who'd tell that one... as corny as... but a TRUE classic!

:t:

Okay then... cringe away at this old, old OLD joke...

Sign in a pet shop: "Budgies for sale... going cheap!"

Ah come on... you KNEW it'd be posted here!



N.

 

[Robert / Seattle]

(No takers? Ok then, to put the BF collective out of its misery .. (or increase it??!!) )

. . . . Because it was a Flyover.


Boom!! Boom!!


( . . . or perhaps more likely . . Boom!! Splat!! . . . :t: )

I believe the correct expression is "ba da Boom"

 

[steve west]

Have you never heard about the rare Ooo-ooh Bird from the rainforests of Borneo?

- It only mates once every 10 years, but when it does...... "Ooo-ooh!"

Steve
http://www.BirdingInSpain.com

 

[hollis_f]

Have you never heard about the rare Ooo-ooh Bird from the rainforests of Borneo?

- It only mates once every 10 years, but when it does...... "Ooo-ooh!"

Now I thought it was because of the square eggs it lays!

 

[Ken Hall]

Have you never heard about the rare Ooo-ooh Bird from the rainforests of Borneo?

- It only mates once every 10 years, but when it does...... "Ooo-ooh!"

Steve
http://www.BirdingInSpain.com

Or its close relative, the oomabum bird. It doesn't have any legs, poor thing, and every time it lands, it goes......oomabum, oomabum.

 

[Mouldy]

Little Boy : "Dad, there's a man at the door with a bill!" :eek!:
Father: "Are you sure it's not just a duck with a hat on?" :king:

Read it and weep ....... :smoke:

 

[dantheman]

Read it and weep .......

Or as Old Farmer McDuck ordered his 3 nephews as they surveyed his field of corn;

'Weed it and reap' . . . .

 

[citrinella]

For those who haven't seen this :

http://www.xs4all.nl/~sbpoley/ukrbiga.htm

 

[Chewbaxter]

For those who haven't seen this :

http://www.xs4all.nl/~sbpoley/ukrbiga.htm

:t: I like it!

Particular like this bit too:

Invent a birdwatching site of your own. Under no circumstances should
you tell anyone where it is, but in conversation you should refer to
the number of rarities you have seen there. When challenged that no
reports have been published, you should smile enigmatically and mutter
something about the Official Secrets Act and nuclear reprocessing.

:king:

N.

 

[Chewbaxter]

What do you give to a constipated Budgie?

Chirrup of figs!



Neil.