This thread has been very interesting to read, perhaps because I can relate so well to the matter at hand. Your husband's career choice explains a lot of what you mention. As he is a computer science person it makes perfect sense that making, keeping and organizing lists is just part of the way his brain manages to make sense of the world.
I was encouraged to change majors in university to computer science after finding a Fortran class easy, but ending up going down a different engineering path. Skipping details, I was able, through actual hands-on experience, to develop a real attention to detail, which lead to a career Quality Management in precision machine shops. However, at the same time, it can be shocking at the things that I "see", but that just don't register in my brain. My wife just walked by a couple of minutes ago, but I couldn't describe what she was wearing as her being here registered, but apparently, to my mind, what people are wearing is totally unimportant. My police captain brother, on the other hand, with just a quick glance will be able to describe the person in great detail. My other brother is highly social and needs to interact with other people. I am exactly the opposite. The point being that each person is unique in the way their brain works.
I also find photography greatly enhances the birding experience for me. It just makes the whole exercise more fun for me, even if it serves no particular useful purpose. In fact, I now find that the ID for that unidentified bird buried in the foliage suddenly pops into my mind as I am concentrating on the viewfinder and struggling to get focus and a good aspect and as my mind suddenly matches what I see with a previous photo I've taken. Pun intended, it sharpens my focus on the single object of interest. Being an engineer, not a biologist, the concept of the field manual illustrations not always being just like what I was seeing was also difficult for me to get my head around in the beginning. Finally, I have come to the understanding that biology is messy. Even now that I am starting to be able to field ID the common finds at a glance and at a distance as they fly off, I will still often be found at my computer struggling to make an ID of an unknown even with a good photo to work from, while mumbling invectives at what are recognized as quality field guides. My brain still wants things to be consistently the same each time and at the same time I know that nature just doesn't cooperate.
From my perspective, the best suggestion that I have seen here is one I was already thinking of as I read through the thread. Let him keep and organize the lists for both of you and be your photographer. He can still spot potential targets and point them out for you to positively ID. You can help him to get proper IDs on his photos so he can feel that greater sense of completion that his mind will get once all is properly curated. He may never be especially good at IDing anything new to his experience, but I am sure his skills will improve if he is encouraged to focus on neatly organizing things in his mind. Don't fight it, work with it. Melding two entirely different skill sets could lead to an amazing team!